um...

     So here is something to ponder. what do you do when your father, a symbol of invincible might your entire life, is instantly reduced to needing help standing up or putting his shoes on over night. Dad was the coach to nearly every sports team i was ever on and has always been capable of incredible feats of strength.
     For a long time he worked as a blacksmith/farrier which is a pretty intensely physical job. Particularly because he dealt with a lot of large stables where people kept show horses and race horses in the later portion of his career he had to maintain his considerable strength to manage the massive draft horses and the tall musclebound racers.
     Well as he hit 45 he decided it was time for a less strenuous job since his joints had become prone to painful reactions from what was believed to be a simple case of gout.( uloric acid crystallizing on joints but controllable by diet and rest ) he went to a specialist school and got his class-A CDL and became a truck driver working for a local building supplies delivery service. pretty decent job but a lot of hours. but that is besides the point.
     One day just this last week on the job while carrying a 50 pound bag of cement he stepped into a hole in the as yet unfinished driveway causing the weight to hammer him down and to the side causing considerable stress to his spine and hips. next day while trying to relax the injury he suffers temporary paralysis and collapses. we call an ambulance and they get him taken care of and off to a hospital. no big deal. he seemed fine.
     Over the next few days and visits to many different doctors and specialists it turns out he has rheumatoid arthritis at a very advanced level. the recent injury has caused it to attack in full force and he no longer has any quantifiable strength to speak of in his right hand nor stability in his left knee along with many other smaller points. hes on 7 different prescriptions and still taking tests to determine the extent of the affliction it may not be known to everyone but rheumatoid arthritis has a form that can actually attack organs, the lungs in particular, and while this hasn't yet been diagnosed his recent rapid weight loss and slight change of voice don't give us a whole lot of confidence.
     The amount of stress in my household has become a threat to everyone as we each find new ways to piss one another off. the problem only exacerbated by his company terminating his employment during an open workman's compensation case (illegal so I'm told... know any good lawyers?)

tomorrow

gotta work on some stuff and also get to sleep... but tomorrow i have a good post planned. Saturday i got dragged to the RUSH concert in cleveland.... which was actually a blast... from the nose bleed section but hey it was last minute and we were still there so whatever. night

Coincidence

Remember back in high school? back when every little thing mattered so much cause what else do you have to worry about when you don't have student loans and a vehicle you don't like all that much you'll be paying to much money for for the next 5 years. there is this strange coincidental occurrences that a lot of us all seem to experience frequently. somehow television and the songs on the radio would align so perfectly with our pissy little plights we would have to question briefly if we had some mass psychic influence on the media or some such nonsense. Never mind the fact that the music we listened to constatly was the top 40 hits garbage and it was all just rehashes of the same vague BS that could be applied just as easily to doing chores or homework (who really did their homework at home? or for that matter who really did all that much?)
     Bam. Real world hits you and you stop being such a  self absorbed cunt. you learn that sometimes life is just wierd and you forget that those kinds of things ever happened. that red headed actress with the cute semi raspy voice, said it better in that movie she did, Easy A. check it out sometime its actually good and she is also pretty fun to look at lol.
     I wonder if there is a connection to be self absorbed and noticing shit like that. probably. which is not good since i'm noticing it all over the place.
     Lately I've been being a bit conceded and acting like a dick because it works really great on girls that haven't grown up yet and well look where it's gotten me... nearly cheating on someone, ignoring a nice girl who deserved better, humiliating an ex (that was fun actually), and flaunting all of it to people close to me like its stuff worth being proud of. how far the honest have fallen.
     Is this what new found confidence has brought me to? Am i simply acting out for attention on some subconscious level i don't recognize. Is this healthy? Will i stop anytime soon?
     Why do i bother to ask when i already know. like everyone else, excluding of course many of the mental patients around the world, i choose exactly how i will respond to a given stimulus.
     Fuck it, i don't need to grow up for a while longer yet.

hands of fate and other such nonsense.

Ok so i was going to fuck that girl... but as sir john bear pointed out; imagine that guys perspective. i was ignoring that but it was bugging me cause i've had it done to me. that made me quite conflicted. do i exact revenge on someone else's relationship or do i be the bigger man and let the chain of misery end with me. in the end i decided it wasn't worth it because 1: there are plenty of women and skipping on one hottie isn't gonna hurt me one bit. 2: as much as i would like to be an asshole... i am not and cannot ever truly be one. 3: i should focus on school and not chasing girls
     no more than a day after deciding this and not talking to her anymore i find out from a friend that she doesn't actually have  a boyfriend.... just an extremely clingy ex she tolerates and treats pleasantly  because he works with her father. i decide to let it pass anyways cause im not interested in making waves.
     next day she texts me. out of the blue telling me she really wants to meet up for a walk in the woods tonight. odd but i agree.
     10 30 pm and we are just walking along the bike path and talking about a million different things and i realize that either she is a huge liar or perhaps facebook isnt a reliable source of intel.... honestly at the moment thats a big 50/50 but lets just see what she does. always been a fan of the giving people enough rope to hang themselves method. ultimately dramatic but easy to wash from your hands ya know? ill let you all know what goes down. oh and btw ohio... how bout this awesome weahter?!!?!

A Question for the Masses

So i had over three pages typed out and you know what... fuck that. it's not important. no one really needs to hear why i had a bad weekend suffice to say that it was really bad. curiously enough i nearly had my arm crushed as well by a massive rolling log... besides the point. I'm not gonna go on and on about this.
Instead i have a question for you all since my moral compass is quite misguided lol.

     So the Saturday I'm trying to get over my shitty Friday and i had gone out to rent a movie or two for the family. yes internet people, sometimes there are reasons to still go to the store. for example the highest tier cable internet package available in this hick town is severely unstable and tops out around 450Kbps on a good day. Well, while I'm there i notice for the second time that the cashier is a tall thin blonde with a good sense of style (read: my type) so i decide to chat with her. common stuff ya know. ask her what i should rent. what movies she would recommend and what she has seen recently. I get the impression she is kinda diggin me so after i 2 movies (case 39 and RED) right before I'm ready to walk out i tell her there is a big party next Friday and ask if she has other plans. she says no and so i ask her for her name and number. she jots it down on my receipt and hands it to me with a smile. i leave and don't text her until Monday and ask her if she'd like to go out for dinner and a movie. she's already out but says she would have otherwise. i let it go. next day she texts me just to chat for a bit. Wednesday I'm returning the movies and before i leave i ask if she wants to do anything once she gets off work. she says she has church.... (on a Wednesday?... ok....) but immediately asks me if i could go tonight, Thursday. unfortunately i have to go to the final match of my pool tourney tonight so i have to decline. but we still have the plans for the party tomorrow.

     Sister notices me texting some one a lot and asks who it is. i giver her her first name and describe her and she recognizes the description and gives me her last name. FACEBOOK HO!

     Lets recap real quick shall we?
PROS- attractive, blonde, very polite, loves cats, 18,  doesnt seem to be the clingy type,
CONS- Super religious, unclear plans for the future, 18 (young girls are.... dumber)
SPECIAL NOTE - HAS A BOYFRIEND

wtf is a good little Cristian girl doing wanting to go out with me when she has a boyfriend she claims to love. only be dating him for about a month.seems to be a messed up relationship but hey how much can you really tell from FB creeping right?

so whats the plan guys? avoid the crazy chick? Hit it and quit it? just wonder what you all would do i this particular situation. keep in mind she is very HOT.

yeah...

I'll get around to updating this soon. life has been particularly stressful this weekend. expect a full write up soon. for now... its time to sleep

oh and also this TOTAL EPICNESS

If you don't follow Engadget and some how still consider yourself techno-literate.... well actually that reasonable. i mean its only a news site. but hey they posted this cool article and i swear to you on all that is sacred to me this isn't some cruel trick.

create a new bookmark and use the following code as the link

javascript:var i,s,ss=['http://kathack.com/js/kh.js','http://ajax.googleapis.com/ajax/libs/jquery/1.5.1/jquery.min.js'];
for(i=0;i!=ss.length;i++){s=document.createElement('script');s.src=ss[i];document.body.appendChild(s);}void(0);

 click that link on nearly any page and enjoy a fun surpise!